Randomness Mess

Ok, so what do you want from me?  I don't know where to begin or what to say.  I know that doesn't make for an interesting post, but that's about all I have at this point.  I know...ever make a post that you regretted?  I know I have.  I wish that I could retract a couple.  I find that I often put my foot in my big, fat mouth.  I'm not actuallly finished with this post, but I realize that I've been awol for quite some time and know that there's a chance that there might be people interested in hearing what I have to say.  So, I'll give you a little something to tide you over til I come up with something brillant (stop laughing) to say...TBC (To be completed). 

Ok, shoot me, but I didn't like where the above portion of my post was going, so I am starting it over.  I think I might want to discuss the sense of incompleteness...I know, I post like I talk--in brokenup thougths.  I know that I'm tangential (thanks degree for that beautiful, jargon of a word--meant in the least pompous manner possible).  Anyways, I digress (eww, stop it already!)...focus...really, I'm back on course now...

Ever get the sense that your life is missing something?  I do.  I know that it appears obvious that I would say that I am missing a spouse and child(ren), but I'm not convinced that that is what the lack is.  I'm not missing God...I don't really know.  I guess I saw myself at a different place at this age and point in my life..you know, the fairytales that they feed us as children.  They tell us how getting good grades, going to college, getting this big ole fancy degree, and being smart about your choices in the opposite sex, etc., will lead to a happy life.  You know, people assume that I should be happy and complete...that my life is made.  Well, to those people, all I have to say is that all that glimmers isn't gold and grass always seems plusher from this side of the fence.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable, oblivious (isn't there a simpler word I could use here? omg), or ungrateful concerning my extremely blessed life.  In fact, if today was my last day--if this was my last post--I'd be ok.  Yet, I still have aspirations.  You know, the world looks totally different from an adult standpoint.  Considering all, I've got it pretty made.  But, I'm not ready to succumb to protocol.  Who says that life has to go on as usual?  Everyone does not have to do it as everyone else...who's to say that this is what life should look like...bingo/eureka!  I just figured out where I was going with this blog...I know, a little too late.  I'm tired of people telling me what I should be doing at this age, after a certain milestone, as a woman, etc.  I like marching to a beat of a different drum!!  Although I play well with others and follow the rules to most games, I'm starting my own game and formulating (eww!, big word alert...get out of my head jargon) my own rules.  I think it's so boring to do as everyone else..who says that college has to follow high school, marriage has to follow courtship/dating, that children follow marriage, or that woman + 30 = hurry up & have children?...huh, huh, who says?  I most certainly didn't.  Oh, who in the world knows what I'm really blogging about anyways?  Please won't someone tell me so that I can stop typing!  Put a fork in me..I'm done...I think I've humilated myself enough here..my job is done. lol.